We never really know what we are doing

Have you ever done something and known exactly what the consequence is going to be? No, because we do not have that capability. Seriously though, think about it. No matter what choices we make or roads we take there will always be a surprise. It could be good or bad. I think we all go through life not knowing exactly what we are doing just knowing enough to keep going. And that’s all we can really ask for.

I don't know what I am doing with him. He is great and all but how do I tell him that I don't want to be with him, I just want to cuddle and hold hands and be all cute like. Maybe I'm just afraid to love. That's just a little cliché. But for real, I'm too afraid to love you but too afraid to let you go. Pathetic? Maybe so, but that’s just how it is.

I don't know what career path I want to take. I am really just taking classes that I am interested in because I have no clue what I am doing. That's okay though right? I'm young; I have time to figure it all out.

Really I just don't know what the heck I am doing. I am just going through the motions hoping that maybe something exciting will happen. Which seems very doubtful. I guess one day I will figure it out just not today.

We are shaped by our thoughts. . .

I have been thinking about a lot lately and I really just need to get it all out so here it is. . .

I like it here but I feel like I have grown apart from my family and that makes me sad.

I forgive you even though you never said that you were sorry.

Thank you for letting me come over and vent about my problems.

Stop being so selfish. You can't have everything your way, the sooner you accept that the better.

I wish you would talk to me.

You make me so mad.

Clean up your own dang dishes.

I think I could really like you. You are an interesting human being and I want to know you more.

That song still makes me think of you.

I'm not your mother.

You're not my mother.

Just leave her alone. She'll come around when she is good and ready.

I dread going to my choir class.

I wish you didn't get hurt. It is different here without you and I need you to come back soon.

Really I don't know why all these things have been running through my head but that's ok. And it feels good to lay it all out.

Well there it is the first post in months. . . Stay in school kids and don't lock your knees.

let's be honest. . .

I am not quite sure how I feel about all this growing up stuff. I graduated from high school and I don't even feel any different. I guess maybe that's normal but still. I am already registered for my classes at Snow and I have an apartment down there which I move into on August 18. It's weird though. Graduation gifts feel weird to, I love them all, really I do. It's just weird getting kitchen stuff. I knew this day was coming but it snuck up on me faster than I thought it would.

Even though it's weird I am still extremely excited. It will be fun as long as I make myself get involved and actually talk to people. I am excited to meet new people but I will miss everyone here in Lehi, although it will be good for me. I don't know, it will be different but hopefully I will love every minute.

Brother and Sister Bonding

A few weeks ago I was driving to my aunt’s house and I saw a girl and her younger brother running together. My thought was “Awe how cute. . . I wish my brother would run with me”. Well today that little wish came true when my brother ran a 5K with me. It was surprisingly fun. For those of you who know my brother you know that he is not really the nicest person in the world. . . Not even close. But there was something different about him today and he was actually very sweet. We talked and laughed the entire run. My favorite part of our little bonding moment was this conversation. . . .

Broc: "What are you in it for?"
Me: "To pass fitness. . . . . What are you in it for?"
Broc: "To talk to you. ."
 
Cheesy? Yes, I know. But he went on to say that he wouldn’t have done it if it had been our other sisters asking him to go. So I’m taking it as very sentimental.

 He has also been such a sweetheart the rest of the day. I don’t know what has gotten into him but I like it. I hope we can continue bonding so we can get closer. I always wanted a big brother, but honestly Broc will do just fine. And he’s taller than me so it kinda evens outs.

Hello blog, my name is Shae. . .

Well after an extremely long vacation I have decide to come back to this dear blog. I don't really have any inspiration for today except that a have made a list of the top 10 actors I want to kiss. Awkward? Maybe, but I'm going to share it with you anyway. I will also tell you what movie or show made me decide on them. So here it goes. . . .

Chris Hemsworth- who is Thor. He has amazing eyes. Honestly, I think I might love his eyes more than his accent. . and I LOVE accents. His brothers are hot too.

Jensen Ackles- from Supernatural, he's so cool. He says the funniest things. I just love him.

Jared Padalecki- also from Supernatural. He is the complete opposite of Jensen Ackles in the show. But they are both attractive and I love them.

Tom Hardy- He stole my heart in Warrior. And he has an accent.

Channing Tatum- Come on you can't go wrong with him. He is so hot. I have always been in love with him but the movie that topped it off was The Vow.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt- from 500 Days of Summer because of his facial expressions.

Drew Roy- from Secretariat. He is very, very, attractive.

Ryan Reynolds- I love him in The Proposal, and you can't go wrong with that face.

Leonardo DiCaprio- If you didn't fall in love with him in Titanic then you are crazy.

Mark Ruffalo- from Just Like Heaven. He's just adorable.

There are many others but I love all the above most.